TOTALLY EPIC

Due to the overused and misused term “Epic” to describe mountain bike rides, Ask Chopper has come up with some proposed criteria for labeling an event as Epic:

1) Your survival has to have been seriously up in the air at least twice and looked extremely grim at least once.

2) Squirting blood, hematomas, hernias, aneurysms, grade-three concussions or broken bones must have been experienced during the event in question.

3) In the Greek Tradition, a woman or women must be a factor (being late getting home doesn’t count!)

4) Someone must have been stricken by poisonous reptiles, insets for plants.

5) A emergency bivouac, eating something disgusting merely to survive, or having no choice other than abandon your bike may be used in place of one of the above.